Pondering the Loopiness of Loops

I recently heard a friend complain that her daughter had invited a boy to the senior prom weeks ago. All the while denying to her very devoted Mom, that she had.

She asked her daughter. “Why didn’t you tell me about this?”  I’ve been asking you about this for weeks!” 

“Because you're so annoying!” The daughter declared.

HMMM... 

I’m perplexed. Aren’t Moms supposed to be annoying? Nothing would get done if we weren’t annoying. It’s part of the job. Children take note! It’s very hurtful to mothers when you leave them “out of the loop” for these critical experiences. 

The next morning as I walked our Wheaten Terrier Vera around the neighborhood I pondered, picked up poop, and pondered some more. What’s up with loopiness?

Why are some “in the loop” and others aren’t?” I asked Vera. “Woof!” Not the exact response I was looking for but I think she said something like, “Loops Schmoops!”  or maybe “Loops = Poops!” She’s a bit of a mumbler.

Life is full of loops and we’ve probably all been in a loop at one time or another. A recent conversation with friends revealed they were IN a loop to decide on a vacation house for the whole family but actually wanted to be OUT of the loop, preferring to stay in a nearby bed and breakfast. I was recently asked to be in a Zumbathon fundraiser loop. I don’t even know what a Zumbathon is! Apparently some sort of a dance/exercisy thing. 

Loops I enjoy: Sailing loops, foods made with creamy sauces loops, doggie event loops, son’s basketball team loops

Loops I avoid: Moms of friends of Italian exchange students loops, angry Occupy protesters loops, other divorced ladies loops

I’ve found that since entering my 5th decade I am better able to avoid loops. I can even be honest about the reasons. My friend Claire recently asked me to join the local Occupy group. “I don’t want to be associated with quasi-political groups who enjoy sleeping in tents." I said. "I don't like camping.”  “But we need you.” She declared, “Your such a great letter writer.” While I appreciate the compliment, I’m not keen on using my skills for free. “I’ll be happy to write all the letters you want if you pay me.” I responded.  Apparently the Occupy group doesn’t have any money to pay for great letters.

As Vera and I rounded the last block on our way home she happily barked at the Cairn Terrier running around on the porch across the street (she tells me they are both in the super cute terriers greeting loop). 


The pondering continued. I decided that a person’s loopiness can definitely be measured by age group.

• 20 somethings: Ambivalent about the loop. Still happy to live day-to-day loop free.
• 30 somethings: Excited to be in the loop as a measure of power and involvement in family and community life.
• 40 somethings: Starting to question the wisdom of the loop but not sure how to get out of it. Definite feelings of guilt over de-looping.
• 50 somethings: F..... the loop!
• 60 somethings: Selective loopage relating to grandchildren and library reading groups.
• 70 somethings: Any reference to loopage necessitates a cruise trip. 

Proud of our poopy loop.

Whatever community you live in or wherever you work you can’t avoid loopiness. At one point or another you’ll be “in the loop” so choose carefully. Will it be the moms who make snacks for the basketball team loop (remember NO NUTS!)? Or like me, dog owners who pick up the poop at the park before the kids show up to play sports loop (For some odd reason I really like that loop). Vera is a member of the doggies who enjoy chewing the squeak out of squeaky toys loop. 

Finally, a bit of advice from one who has probably pondered loops way to much. Loopiness is what you make of it. Have confidence in your loops and don’t settle for wishy washy ones that turn into ovals.  

Oh, and what Vera actually said. “Biscuit please!”

Preparing for the Apocalypse

Lately, every time I speak to my mom she brings up the Mayan Apocalypse. 


“It’s on December 21st.” she tells me. Mom seems way too enthusiastic about an event that, if it comes to fruition, will mean the end of mankind as we know it.  I tell her, “I don’t understand why you’re so fixated on this event.” She giggles, “It’ll be fun.” 

Fun? Granted Mom is getting up there in age but at 82 she still drives, takes care of Dad who’s only 75 but not anywhere near as healthy, and is excitedly planning for the arrival of a new Havanese Terrier puppy. 

“What is it about the apocalypse that you find so exciting?”

Everyone’s going to float up into the air.” She mumbles something about the earth’s gravitational pull releasing. “We’re all going to just float away. Won’t that be nice?”

Not especially. 

“So you’re telling me that everything is going to float away. Rocks?”

“Yep.”

“Cars? Buses? Mini-vans?” 

“Most Likely”

“Squirrels?”

“They’ll go first of course. Very light.”

“Trees?”

“No they’re rooted in the ground.”

“So you could conceivably hang onto a tree and NOT float away?”

“Well, I’m not a scientist but yes, you could.”

“Are you a Mayan?”

“No Dear, I’m French Canadian.”

Now THIS is getting interesting. 

I ask. “What about all the people inside big office buildings? What will happen to them.”

“I’d imagine they’d just float up to the ceiling and hang out there for a while.”

“How long is a while?” I ask.

“You’ll have to ask the experts about that.” 

I imagine office workers floating aimlessly above their cubicles while feverishly texting “OMG! :(”  Men’s ties get caught in the air conditioning vents while women’s skirts fly up around their necks. Will they frustratingly push them down or say, “What the hell!” and just remove them. Maybe office romances will blossom in the climate of impending doom with lovers declaring, “Let’s do it one last time!” as they open a window and fly into the sky, locked in an everlasting connubial embrace.

HMMM. 

I ask Mom. “So what are you doing to get ready for this exciting event?”

“Well, I’m finishing my taxes for sure.” My mother has always been obsessed with taxes.

“Do you think the IRS will be working during the apocalypse? It doesn’t seem likely too me?”

“They’re always working Dear. They have contingency plans for EVERYTHING.”

“Even if they’re floating and the world is ending?

“Yes, even that.” 

“OMG! :)”