Why penguins?
Because elves are so boring?
Reindeer take up too much room on the page?
Actually, I just like 'em.
Their cute and compact and always dressed in formal attire. Who wouldn't get enthusiastic about that? What could be better than a cute and cuddly penguin paired with Santa—the cutest guy ever!
In my illustrative world, beloved Santa is a multi-talented lover of life. He skates, he sleds, he flies in a balloon, and of course, he sails. His constant companions—penguins of course!
When I first illustrated Santa and his penguins naysayers clamored, "Outrageous!"
So called rational people emphatically declared, "Penguins don't live at the North Pole!"
It's time to put all this conjecture to rest. The only solution is to pick up the red phone and call the big man himself. Yes—MR. C—Santa.
"Yo MR. C! What's kickin?"
"Heh Tammi. Glad you called. Super busy up here."
"Everything OK?"
"It's those darn iPhone 5s. Pre-christmas letters to Santa are flooding in already and I smell a few rats in the attic."
Dear Santa,
Our three year old Jimmy has been so good this year. He's now potty trained, except for that one accident on the subway when he was sitting in the elderly woman's lap. He got upset at the stench of a nearby homeless "person" and did a very runny poop all over her nicely pressed polyesters. So embarrassing! But his temper tantrums are down to no more than three-a-day. He really wants that new iPhone 5. If you'd be so kind as to include a signature gold Gucci iPhone case Jimmy would be ever so happy. I've enclosed pictures!
Toodles!
Cami & Barnstable Pemberton
I chuckle. "I hate when that happens."
"Totally. Anyway I've taken care of it."
"How'd you do that?"
"Tweeted."
@santaclaus #christmas letters #North Pole license with #apple expired NO #iphone 5s for you!
"Glad to hear it. I'm sure you've heard the iPhone is the tool of the devil."
Santa laughs. "Well, that's stretching it a bit but Suri is pretty annoying. She beats the MRS. by a mile in that department."
"Tell me about it."
"Sorry to cut this short. Those darn elves are in the middle of a work stoppage and I need to go check on the replacement elves. You'd think three meals-a-day, 401 k's and $15.00 co-pays would satisfy 'em but "NOOO!" They want to keep their $10.00 co-pays and get matching contributions too." Santa sighs. "Next thing you know and they'll be wanting peanut free. It's more than one chubby man in a red suit can handle!"
I emit a few clucking noises in agreement. When in doubt imitate a chicken. Soothes 'em every time.
"But I don't need to bother you with my trials and tribulations." admits Santa. "At least the replacement elves aren't as bad as the NFL replacement refs." Santa mumbles something about his fantasy team going to pot."They SUCK!"
It's time to cut to the chase. "I'm calling about the penguins."
That old chestnut again?" asks Santa. "I thought we put that one to rest along with the existence of the Abominable Snowman and the Island of Misfit Toys. I don't have time to fight this battle again!" Santa declares. "It's almost Christmas for peppermint's sake!"
"Yes but people need to know." I say. "It's only fair."
"OK. Go for it. Don't forget to make prominent mention of the killer whale pod and keep any references to Russia at a minimum. I have licensing agreements to fulfill and I don't need an international incident." Santa declares. "Especially when I'm smack in the middle of a labor dispute. Anyway, I'm still on Putin's shit list for that unauthorized fly-over last Christmas."
I decide more clucking noises were in order. "I heard about that."
"Yah. Four hundred years of doing this stuff." Santa testily declares. "You'd think they'd be used to it by now."
Santa and I wrap up our chat. "Give the MRS. a big hug for me." I say.
"Stay classy San Diego." Santa laughs. He loves to quote Ron Burgundy.
As I hang up the phone I think of all the situations Santa has to handle. At least I can help put the penguin issue to rest.
But that's a post for another day......
Want to see more of my Santa illustrations?
Go to Judith Krimski Illustration
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